Marriage Istikhara Dua: How to Ask Allah If This Person Is Right for You
I still remember the night my best friend called me crying at 2 a.m. She had just received a really good rishta—great family, practicing guy, solid job—but something in her gut wouldn’t settle. “I’m scared to make the wrong decision,” she kept saying. That’s when she asked me about istikhara. Not the quick Google version everyone shares in WhatsApp groups, but the real, proper way our mothers and grandmothers taught us.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re in the same boat. Maybe the proposal checks every box on paper, but you’re losing sleep. Or maybe your parents love him/her and you’re terrified of breaking their hearts if you say no. Whatever it is—this guide is for you.
Let’s talk about the marriage istikhara dua the way it’s actually supposed to be done, not the half-myths floating around the internet.
What Exactly Is Istikhara and Why Do We Do It for Marriage?
Istikhara literally means “seeking goodness from Allah.” It’s not a magic 8-ball or a green-dream generator. It’s a sunnah prayer that the Prophet ﷺ taught us when we face any big decision—especially marriage.
Jabir ibn Abdullah (RA) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ taught us istikhara in all matters, just as he taught us chapters from the Qur’an. (Bukhari)
Marriage is half your deen. Choosing the wrong person can make your life miserable and affect your akhirah. That’s why istikhara for marriage is probably the most common istikhara people ever make.
The Biggest Myth About Istikhara Signs
You do NOT need to see a dream. Yes, you read that right.
Scholars like Ibn Taymiyyah, Ibn Uthaymeen, and many contemporary ones (Shaykh Assim Al-Hakeem, Mufti Menk, etc.) have repeatedly said: the primary way Allah guides you after istikhara is through ease or difficulty in your heart toward the matter—not colors in dreams.
A dream can happen, but it’s extra. The real answer comes as an inclination (mayl) in your chest.
Step-by-Step: How to Perform Marriage Istikhara Dua Correctly
Here’s the exact method—straight from the hadith.
1. Make Wudu Properly
Treat it like any other salah. Clean body, clean clothes, clean place.
2. Pray 2 Rak’ah Nafl Salah
You can do it anytime except the prohibited times (sunrise, zawal, sunset). Many people pray it after Isha because you’re relaxed and can sleep afterward (in case a dream does come).
In the first rak’ah, after Surah Fatiha, recite Surah Al-Kafirun. In the second, after Fatiha, recite Surah Al-Ikhlas. (This is recommended, not compulsory.)
3. Make the Istikhara Dua
Raise your hands and read the full dua (see Arabic + translation below). When you reach the part “هَذَا الأَمْرَ” (this matter), specifically mention: “…If in Your knowledge this marriage with [name of person, son/daughter of ___] is good for me in my deen, my livelihood, and the outcome of my affairs…”
Full Arabic Text of Istikhara Dua
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ وَتَعْلَمُ وَلَا أَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ
اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ
وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ وَاقْدُرْ لِي الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ
English Translation (for understanding only—say it in Arabic)
“O Allah, I seek Your guidance by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty… If You know that this matter (marriage with ___) is good for me in my religion, my livelihood, and my afterlife, then ordain it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me. And if You know it is bad for me, then turn it away from me and turn me away from it, and ordain for me what is good wherever it may be, and make me content with it.”
4. Do It for 7 Days? (The Truth)
The hadith never said 7 days. The Prophet ﷺ said: “Then let him make istikhara…” (singular). However, many scholars recommend repeating it until you feel clarity in your heart—some people get the answer on night 1, others take longer. 7 days became popular because Imam Nawawi and others mentioned it as a good practice.
Do what feels right, but don’t turn it into a ritual where you ignore your heart after day 7.
How Do You Actually Know the Answer?
After istikhara, watch for these real signs:
- Your heart leans strongly one way (peace or unease)
- Things suddenly become easy (proposal moves forward smoothly) or impossibly hard (constant obstacles)
- People around you (parents, friends) start feeling the same way without you telling them
- You wake up one morning and just “know”
Real-life example: A sister I know did istikhara for a guy everyone loved. For six nights—nothing. On the seventh night she dreamt of a dark, narrow road full of thorns. She woke up terrified and called it off. Two years later the same guy was exposed for serious character issues. She’s now happily married to someone else.
Another brother did istikhara and saw nothing in dreams, but every time he thought about saying yes, his chest felt light and happy. He got married and says it’s the best decision he ever made.
Common Mistakes That Ruin Your Istikhara
- Treating dreams as the only answer
- Doing istikhara while already emotionally decided (your heart is closed)
- Asking 50 people to do istikhara for you (it’s YOUR decision)
- Ignoring red flags because “I saw green in my dream”
- Doing istikhara for haram relationships (too late—the relationship itself needs repentance first)
Checklist Before You Even Start Marriage Istikhara
Ask yourself honestly:
- Is this person practicing and upon good character?
- Are they compatible in deen, goals, and values?
- Have I made istikharah (consulted pious people) AND done background checks?
- Am I praying tahajjud and making constant dua for guidance?
Istikhara is not a substitute for due diligence.
Final Words: Trust Allah’s Plan
My friend who called me crying? She did istikhara properly. On night four she felt total peace saying no—even though the guy was “perfect” on paper. She turned it down. Six months later she met her actual husband at a family wedding. They’ve been married eight years now, mashaAllah.
Allah knows what we don’t. Sometimes He saves us from what we want to give us what we need.
Do the marriage istikhara dua with full yaqeen. Then let go. Whatever happens after that is khayr—even if it hurts at first.
May Allah grant all of you spouses who bring you closer to Him. Ameen.
Frequently Asked Questions About Marriage Istikhara Dua
1. Can I do istikhara for someone else’s marriage (like my sister)? Yes, but change the wording: “…this matter (marriage of my sister ___ with ___) is good for her in her deen…”
2. What if I see a good dream but still feel uneasy? Trust the feeling in your chest over the dream. Scholars prioritize the inclination of the heart.
3. Is it okay to do istikhara during periods? No salah, but you can make the dua alone while sitting (without the 2 rak’ah).
Drop your own istikhara marriage stories in the comments—I read every single one. ♡
